


i wanna see you (be brave)

by Junia



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: 99 percent canon, Canon Compliant, F/M, Fluff and Humor, M/M, POV Outsider, betting pools, but from matt's pov, canon angst, matt!pov, mattdan obviously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-14 16:03:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20194942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Junia/pseuds/Junia
Summary: “That’s just ridiculous,” Allison says, shaking her head. “Tell me they’re not getting it on.”“No idea, but I’m gonna take a picture.” Dan lifts the camera that’s been hanging around her neck for the last hour or so and actually snaps a picture of the two of them like that. “Maybe if we hang it up, they’ll notice how it looks like from the outside.”„Fellas,“ Allison says, voice dropping a few octaves lower, “is it gay if I stare deep into my homie's eyes for three minutes?”— or, neil and andrew's evolution over the books but through matt's eyes





	i wanna see you (be brave)

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first official aftg fic even tho i have like 6 different ones sitting in my drafts that i just cant seem to get past 6k words so enjoy :)
> 
> (since this is a 99% canon compliant fic there will be some scenes and dialogue directly copied from the books. obviously i did not write or come up with those, nor do i own the characters. all rights belong to nora sakavic — bless her soul.)

„I still can‘t believe someone convinced Andrew to go out with us.“ 

The voice comes from the girls‘ bathroom, and Matt only half listens to it because Dan is standing in front of him, posing and showing off her matching greek goddess outfit, and rest assured, his girlfriend is much more interesting than whatever Allison has to say — no offense to Reynolds. But Dan quirks up at that, so Matt is forced to tear his attention span to something other than the most beautiful woman on the planet.

„Not someone. _Neil_,“ Dan says. 

There‘s a moment of silence before something shuffles, and then Matt and Dan are looking at Allison as she peeks out of the doorway, curling iron wrapped around a strand of her blonde hair. „I‘d like to know how exactly he managed to do that. Does he have something on the psycho midget?“

Matt snorts. „Neil said he just _asked_.“

„Yeah, sure.“

„No, he really did,“ Dan insists with a nod, plopping down in Matt‘s lap much to his delight. His arms instantly wrap around her, pulling her closer, and she fidgets a little to lean against his chest. 

Allison looks, understandably, skeptical. „Something‘s not right. No one just asks evil twinyard for something and gets what they actually want, much less without getting hurt in the process.“

„Trust us, Al, we have no clue either,“ Dan says with a shrug. „I mean, he ignored Renee when she suggested fusing our groups and Renee is Renee.“ A flicker of something like a scoff hushes over Allison‘s face. It happens quite a lot when the talk is Andrew and Renee and Matt would like to know why exactly Allison‘s against all odds sure that it won‘t be a thing. Maybe she knows something, and the rest of them bet on the wrong choice. „And now Neil just waltzes in and makes Andrew put up with us. I still don‘t understand how he went from hitchhiking away from the monsters to joining the monsters.“

„No one does,“ Matt mutters. „It‘s the monsters, babe. There‘s no logic behind that.“

„I guess.“

„Hm,“ Allison hums, her brows furrowed into a tight look of suspicion as she finishes her work with one last, perfect curl. „Interesting.“

Matt has a feeling this conversation isn‘t entirely over.

* * *

It‘s Allison again to bring up the topic that is Neil and Andrew, although it‘s in a direction he wasn't expecting.

„I think we should open a new betting pool.“

Matt paused with his burrito right in front of his face. „You want to bet how many burritos I can eat?“

„No?“ Allison says with an irritated scowl.

Alright. Matt goes over the last few days, trying to figure out what she could be getting at. Dan‘s frowning at her phone next to him, not paying attention, and Renee is studying her textbook at her desk. She generally doesn‘t speak much when it comes to bets about their teammates — although she always bets much. 

„A bet about our score next Friday?“

„Ugh, no. That‘s boring.“

„Oh, I think I got it.“ He lays down his burrito on his table. „You wanna make a pool on whether Kevin‘s still a virgin or not.“

„What?“ Allison‘s clearly irritated as she looks at him. „No — I mean I _would_ bet on that but I wasn‘t talking about it. I was going to suggest Neil.“

„Neil?“

„Yes, Neil. I‘m not buying that whole 'I don‘t swing' bullshit. There‘s more to it.“

„Asexuality exists,“ Renee says from the other side without even looking up. 

Allison rolls her eyes, but she also has that soft smile on her lips that she usually only wears around Renee. „I know, Renee, but he has some weird vibes going on. Maybe he‘s not 100% asexual, you know, but like on the spectrum? That exists, yeah?“

„I think so,“ Matt says, frowning now as he thinks about Neil. 

Neil did say he doesn‘t swing any way, not for boys, girls or other genders, and Matt hasn‘t found it hard to believe so far if he‘d being honest. There were many occasions where Neil could have done or said something. Every time Allison wears that one crop top, for example, even Dan never fails to stare. The three girls taking off their shirts after practice ends. The boys in the locker room. Kevin showing off his perfect abs. Neil never really notices, and if he does, never shows it. 

„What do you mean vibes?“ Matt asks.

„You haven‘t noticed?“

„Notice what?“

Allison gives him an exasperated look. „Neil and Andrew? Long, intense eye-fucking? Andrew always grabbing him? These kinds of things?“

Matt frowns, but Dan perks up at that. „Are you talking about Neil and Andrew?“

„Yeah.“

„I noticed it, too,“ Dan says with a nod. „It‘s weird.“

„Seriously?“ Matt says. He can‘t say he noticed any of those things, probably because he chooses to tune out whatever the hell the monsters are doing. Of course, when Neil‘s around, Matt likes to hang out with him, try to get him to talk a little, but most of the time Neil's with Andrew's lot and unavailable.

„God, you boys are really oblivious sometimes,“ Allison huffs and clicks her tongue. „Anyway, I‘m sure something is going on there.“

Dan leans on her arms. „Going on as in 'they might feel more than friendly for each other' or 'they‘re doing it under the bleachers' type of thing?“

„I really can‘t picture Neil and Andrew sleeping together in the stadium. No. I can‘t imagine it. My brain‘s broken.“

„Well, your loss because we‘re going to bet on it and you‘re going to lose,” Allison waves a hand, a gesture that’s probably meant to be reassuring, “but don’t worry, I’ll buy you a drink of all the money I’ll make.”

Matt sends a glance towards Renee at that. He still has money riding on her and Andrew, and as far as he knows both of them still share that strange bond where they have regular sparring sessions or their conversations during practice breaks. There’s no sign that Renee is bothered by the current topic or even listening at all, but Matt still wonders if it’s so wise talking about it in front of her. Just because she never said anything, doesn’t mean Renee wouldn't be hurt if Andrew dropped her for someone else.

His girlfriend apparently notices where he’s looking at since her tone is quieter when she talks. “I want in on it, too.”

Smirking, Allison nods. “I’m not sure if they’re fucking yet. Not 100%.”

“Me neither,” Dan agrees. “I’ll give them a month. Or no, Neil’s a little... slow in that department. Three months?” 

“Four and a half. I feel like these two have tragic disaster written all over it.”

Matt raises a skeptical brow. “So what happens when Andrew gets off his drugs?”

Both girls don’t expect the question and stare at him in surprise. Allison is the first to respond as she shudders. “God, I can’t even imagine Andrew sober.”

“I hope he won’t kill us in our sleep,” Dan mutters. 

“Hm,” Matt says. “I guess we’ll see.”

The conversation turns to Andrew’s rehab and safety precautions they’ll to have to take after this return, but Matt makes a mental note to pay attention to Neil and Andrew’s interactions. If he’s losing the Renee and Andrew bet, he’s going to need something to make up for it.

* * *

Not even a week later, Matt notices it. Kind of. 

Nicky knocks on their door, nervous and desperate, asking for Neil’s help to convince Andrew to visit his parents for Thanksgiving. That’s the first sign. The fact, that Nicky — Andrew’s blood cousin — comes to Neil — someone who has known Andrew for merely half a year and spent 50% of that time fighting him. 

While Neil’s gone, Matt decides to investigate for himself. Crossing his arms, he sends Nicky a look sitting on the other end of the couch and biting at his nails. “Why Neil?”

Nicky’s head snaps towards him. “What? Oh, you mean why ask him?”

Matt nods.

“I’m not really sure why, but Andrew seems to listen to him.” He shrugs and lets out a short laugh. “He said yes when Neil asked you guys to join us for Halloween. He’d probably have gutted me if I had tried to talk to him about it. And, I don’t know, I feel like he finds Neil interesting. With all his secrets and stuff, you know?”

Matt doesn’t really see the correlation between finding someone exciting and doing what they ask you all the time, but then again, it’s Andrew Minyard. That’s impulsive decisions, violence, mania, and apathy pressed into a five feet human. 

Neil comes back a while later and surprises everyone by telling them that Andrew agreed — under his own special conditions, but nonetheless. Nicky, who probably didn’t expect his plan to actually work, pesters Neil with questions and a hug before running off to his room to do even more pestering. 

Meanwhile, Matt studies Neil with curiosity. “Why are you so special?” he dares to ask eventually. 

Neil frowns, clearly not having expected this question. “I’m not.”

“Andrew doesn’t give ground to anybody,” Matt says slowly hoping Neil will catch on. “Why does he keep saying yes to you?”

“He’s high,” Neil says, twirling a finger near his temple. “He thinks it’s funny.”

Matt eyes him for a moment longer before shaking his head and dropping the subject. Clearly, Neil is just as oblivious to whatever his thing with Andrew is as Nicky. And as Matt was a week ago. He sees what Allison meant, there’s definitely something there, but he isn’t sure if four months is enough time to make someone blind see for the first time. 

* * *

Five days later, the monsters go to Columbia to see Nicky’s parents and return without Andrew. Allison doesn’t bring up the betting pool again. 

* * *

The whole Neil and Andrew thing gets brought up again at one of their first summer practices. Neil’s back from whatever hell Riko put him through, from whatever shithole Kevin knew he was going to — Matt still has to clench his fists every time thinking about it because of the anger boiling inside his chest. Andrew has returned from rehab, too, no more lethal grinning, not as loud, but just as violent and torpid. 

Yes, nothing has changed about his violent tendencies, Matt is stupidly reminded of that when he has to catch Dan stumbling after Andrew fires the ball at her — and Kevin’s — feet for the nth time. 

“That motherfucker,” Dan swears under her breath as she uses Matt to stand upright again. “I forgot how much I didn’t miss him.”

“I never forgot,” Matt replies, glowering at the goal. 

“Seriously. How hard is to not be a complete jerk face for ten damn minutes?”

“I don’t know if Andrew even knows what not being an asshole means, babe.” 

Dan is about to say something when Wymack signals a short scrimmage break, and they watch as Neil, who is thank god benched until he heals properly, walks over to the goal. 

“Huh,” Dan huffs. “Coach’s bringing out the big guns.” 

“You think he will stop fucking with us?” 

His girlfriend shrugs, not entirely convinced, but not too skeptical either. “It’s Neil. He has his way of making Andrew do things.” 

“Even sober?” 

“Guess we’ll find out.”

Two minutes later, scrimmage continues, and there you go, Andrew stops trying to break Dan and Kevin’s knees. Well, he starts clearing it all the way down the court so that they have to chase the ball every time, but it’s still better than being cut off at the knees. He guesses. 

“What does Neil have that we don’t?” Dan pants next to him. 

“Maybe he just looks better than us.” 

“I guess it makes sense someone Andrew’s height would be his type.” 

“Or it’s his secret past life.”

“And his attitude.”

“Definitely his attitude.”

When Wymack calls it quits for today’s practice, and they are walking to the locker rooms, Allison declares that the betting pool is back on again. Matt makes a hefty investment. 

* * *

A few hours before their flight to the first game of championships Matt encounters a soaked Allison in the hallways, tells Neil about it which leads the conversation from Reynolds chopping his balls off to bets, Matt’s year-long attempt to make Dan look at him, and Renee being the only one to bet on them. 

“That’s why you bet on Andrew and Renee,” Neil says eventually. 

Matt shrugs. “Well, yeah. For a while, there Renee was the only one outside of his little group Andrew would talk to.” Until Neil, of course. “Renee said they had a lot in common, and it was nothing serious, but then he let her drive his car. That’s a GS, Neil. You don’t loan that out to just anyone.” Especially if you’re Andrew Minyard and don’t even let your own brother touch the car. 

Neil waves a hand over his head. “I don’t speak cars.”

To make his point, Matt explains, “I’m saying after he finished tricking it out, it cost almost six figures.”

It works because Neil bolts upright and turns to stare at Matt. “Cost what?”

“It’s almost as expensive as Allison’s Porsche,” Matt tells him with a grin, “and he let Renee drive it just two months after meeting her. Do you blame me for putting money on them? Man, I was so sure that’d pan out.”

He doesn’t notice his mistake until Neil frowns at him. “You changed your mind?”

“Uh, sort of,” Matt rubs the back off his neck, “but rules are rules. Once money’s in the pot, you can’t change which side you’re betting on. You can bet against it in other pots, though, so I might make some of my money back.” Thankfully (or not) Neil doesn’t catch the implications behind it, and Matt decides to steer the topic to safer grounds before he can give away even more. “But hell, it’s already after twelve. We gotta get moving. You want anything for the plane, I suggest you grab it now.” He doesn’t give Neil any chance to respond as he disappears in the bathroom. 

When they meet up to leave, Matt can’t help but look at the key in Neil’s hands. Keys to Andrew’s GS. Renee might have been allowed to drive the monster after two months only, but she certainly didn’t own a second pair of keys. Yeah, how interesting. Neil pointedly avoids meeting his gaze and makes quick work of the stairs before passing Dan and the others to drive with Andrew’s lot.

“He even has shotgun privilege,” Allison mutters, her gaze cutting in the same direction. “I’m starting to think I made a mistake with four and a half months.” 

Dan looks more pleased with the developments although a scowl flickers across her face, too. “They better hurry the fuck up. A lot of birthdays are coming up.”

Matt gave them the longest time, six months, and he’s not even sure about that. He has a feeling it will take Neil a lot of time to see what’s right in front of him. Not that he blames him. Who would expect Andrew of all people to have something like feelings?

The gossiping doesn’t stop at the airport, not with the way Neil keeps glancing in Andrew’s direction every five seconds. Matt’s not even sure Neil knows that he’s doing it himself. Allison and Dan next to him just about lose their shit every time it happens.

It only gets worse when Neil actually approaches Andrew, they talk — out of everyone’s earshot, of course — and then Neil steps even closer, both of them ending up staring at each other for what seems like an eternity. 

Matt has to look away after a second, feeling like he’s intruding on a private conversation. The two girls next to him don’t have such issues. 

“That’s just ridiculous,” Allison says, shaking her head. “Tell me they’re not getting it on.”

“No idea, but I’m gonna take a picture.” Dan lifts the camera that’s been hanging around her neck for the last hour or so and actually snaps a picture of the two of them like that. “Maybe if we hang it up, they’ll notice what it looks like from the outside.”

„Fellas,“ Allison says, voice dropping a few octaves lower, “is it gay if I stare my homie deep into his eyes for three minutes?”

"Fellas, is it gay if I do everything my bro tells me to do even though I have a reputation for not listening to anyone or anything?" Dan reciprocates.

Allison snorts. "Fellas, is it gay if I look at my homie like he's shitting sunshine but say "no homo" afterwards?"

Dan's restraint only lasts a moment before she breaks out into quiet laughter, and Matt can’t hold it in for much longer, either. Their howling only grows louder when the monsters send them wary looks from where they’re sitting. Neither Neil nor Andrew notices, though.

* * *

“One of these days _I _am going to kill him, and then you guys will have to bail me out.” 

Matt rubs Dan’s back as she lets out one tense breathe after another. Understandable, because Andrew nearly choked the life out of Allison merely thirty minutes ago. Matt respects Andrew’s need for separating their groups enough not to question it, and he even understands, somewhere, that the psycho will react more violently against anyone threatening his people, but — but almost killing Allison for a mere slap just crosses every line. Everything has its limit, even their patience. 

For once Renee doesn’t interfere to play peacekeeper. Probably because she’s too busy fussing over Allison and her bruised neck. 

“I’ll be in jail right next to you,” Matt says, leaning his head against her ribs. 

Dan relaxes a little under his touch, but the muscles in her body remain agitated. “He can’t just go around hurting everyone that dares to touch Aaron or Kevin —”

“Well, he did warn us,” Allison cuts in, voice hoarse. 

Dan stills. “No. You can’t defend him, Al, not after what he did to you.”

“I’m not defending him, and trust me, I’m not just going to forgive and forget. If the monster wants to take it up with me, I’ll gladly give him a fight.”

“Allison,” Renee says. 

“No,” Allison looks at the girl sitting next to her, shaking her head, “I know you’re friends with him or whatever, but now’s not the time for the 'he’s not that bad' lecture.”

The smile that appears on Renee’s face is amused. “I was going to say that you should learn the way he’s fighting before.” 

For a moment, Allison just stares, then she says, “Oh.” Maybe Matt's imagining things, but it looks like her cheeks gain a warmer color. “Yes, that would be cool. I’ll kick his midgety ass.” 

Some of the tension bleeds out of the room at that, which Matt is thankful for. Dan grabs some beer from the fridge that she distributes, then nearly downs hers. Allison is quick to keep up, while Matt takes it a little slower to keep watch tonight alongside Renee, who drinks ice tea. In the end, they all lie sprawled on the floor; Dan nestled into Matt’s side and Allison’s head in Renee’s lap a few feet next to them. 

“So,” Allison says, “Neil again.” 

“Fucking Neil,” Dan grumbles with her eyes closed. 

“You guys think Andrew was pissed at him for intervening?”

“I don’t think he was too happy about it,” Matt says.

Dan sighs. “And yet Andrew still let him talk him down.”

“The sex must be really good if he lets him do that,” Allison comments with a huff. 

“Yeah,” Matt cringes, “let’s not talk about my room mate’s sex life. If he even has one.” 

“I was wrong about the time frame, but yeah, Matt, I think I’m pretty sure little Neil has a sex life.”

“Whatever.”

* * *

Somehow the following week only gets worse. Allison doesn’t hold a grudge against Andrew, but she also doesn’t act like nothing happened, instead making a point of meeting his bored gaze with a raised chin and defiant gaze. Matt and Dan do the opposite and just stay away from him, which is fairly easy when Andrew only ever hangs around in the goal or with Renee. However, there’s some weird passive-aggressive thing going in between Aaron, Neil, and Andrew, which results in a pissed Aaron refusing to talk to anyone. All he does is glare or sulk. It’s not that different from his usual behavior, but everyone still notices during practice. Everything just feels charged and faltering, like every small mistake might set off an explosion. And that pisses off Kevin because, of course, all he cares about is how it affects the team’s playing, so Kevin blames Neil, and they almost start a fight in the middle of a scrimmage until Neil shakes his head and ignores Day's french insults.

The same day, Neil joins Andrew and Renee on their regular walks around the court. 

“So what,” Allison sniffs, watching the three of them make their rounds, “are they going to be a threesome kind of thing now?” 

“You jealous?” Dan jokes, elbowing her, which earns her the middle finger. 

Another development over the last few weeks: Allison’s lowkey obvious crush on Renee that she pointedly keeps quiet about every time Matt or Dan bring it up teasingly. 

Matt tears his eyes off the trio engaged in a conversation and focuses on the drills they’re supposed to be doing. They’re in the middle of the championships season. He just hopes they’ll get their shit together soon. 

* * *

Matt doesn't think it’s possible, but it gets even worse. Neil opens his locker before a game, and suddenly there’s blood anywhere. Two hours later, they’re all there when Andrew basically admits to having killed his mother. 

Matt drowns himself in beer that week. 

* * *

“Alright, I need to get drunk. ASAP.”

“That might be a problem,” Matt tells Allison inspecting their fridge — their fridge that doesn’t contain any alcohol. “We don’t have anything anymore.”

That even gets out a gasp out of Dan and she quickly shoves her way next to him. “Shut up. But you always have something, babe.”

“Guess I forgot to go grocery shopping.” He makes a face at his girlfriend. “I don’t suppose you girls have anything in your room?”

Pouting, Dan shakes her head. 

“You guys act like we don’t have four alcoholics living next door,” Allison says behind them. Matt and Dan turn to see her stalk out of the suite and follow her to the monsters' dorm room where she knocks several times, then starts inspecting her nails. 

Nicky’s the one to open the door, a surprised smile on his face. “Hey!”

“Hemmick,” Allison greets. “You have alcohol here, right? Say yes.”

“You wound me, Reynolds. Who do you think we are?” For a moment Matt fears that’s a no, but then Nicky holds open the door and beckons them in. “Of course, we have booze. Enough for everyone!”

Matt and Dan stay in the corner of the room, a little unsure if this is an invitation to drink together or not while Allison follows Nicky to their fridge and Renee sits down next to Kevin who’s already nursing a bottle vodka on the couch. Aaron’s nestled into the beanbag, not looking too happy about the visit but not voicing any protest either. 

Matt frowns. “Neil’s not here?” 

Nicky turns to look at them as he pours drinks. “No, should he be?” He waves a hand. “Make yourselves comfortable, I don’t think you guys wanna drink standing. Andrew’s not here anyway.” 

Matt shares a look with Dan at that. _Neil _and _Andrew gone at the same time? Interesting. _

Allison catches it, too, since she’s the one to ask, “And where is the dingbat?” 

“Who knows? I don’t ask Andrew questions every time he disappears somewhere. God, I’d end up with a broken arm,. He settles on the floor, and Matt and Dan follow suit whereas Allison dramatically plops down in the other beanbag, much to Aaron’s displeasure. “Anyway, where’s Neil? Did he say he’d be here? Is he okay?”

Matt shrugs. “He didn’t really say. Like Andrew.” 

“Well, Neil was with you at night practice. Right, Kevin?” 

Kevin’s head snaps towards them at their name, eyes glassy and anxious. Matt wonders what the hell Renee and him were talking about that got him this jumpy again. “What?” Kevin asks. 

“Neil,” Nicky presses. “You two were at practice?”

“Yes?”

“Well… did he get home?” 

Kevin frowns. “Of course, he got home. What do you think I do after we’re done? Leave him in the stadium?”

Nicky holds up a hand. “Okay, Mr. Attitude, ‘t was just a question.” He turns to Matt and Dan. “See the shit I have to put up with every day?”

Kevin’s glare intensifies. 

Dan looks between the two of them before slowly suggesting, “Maybe… Neil and Andrew are together right now?”

Nicky doesn’t appear at all bothered or surprised by this, shrugging. “Yeah, maybe. You know those two, always off and about causing trouble or brooding.” he raises his bottle of rum. “But more for us, right?”

Matt shares another look with Dan and her roommate and discreetly wonders if Nicky’s just blind to what’s going on right in front of him or purposefully ignorant. 

They kill two bottles that night, listening to one of Nicky’s surprisingly good Spotify playlists, watching random movies running on the TV and talking about things buzzed people talk about. (Good clubs beside Twlight’s Eden, the girls’ plans after graduation, Kevin’s inability to be nice to people other than the press.) Although Aaron doesn’t do much to insert himself into the conversation, the scowl on his face doesn’t widen. Matt thinks he even catches him huffing at one of Kevin's many roast sessions. Neither Neil nor Andrew show up. But when Matt drags himself back to his own room, limbs tired and heavy, his roommate is deep asleep on top of the bunk bed, faintly smelling of cigarette smoke. 

* * *

It becomes a pattern, Matt, his girlfriend, and Allison notice. (Renee usually just shrugs and gives them a mysterious tilt of her lips which is the Walker version of _Don’t Kiss and Tell._) Neil and Andrew mysteriously disappear after night practice with Kevin while the rest of the team gathers in one of their rooms, drinking, talking, playing video games or arguing about Kevin’s mysterious list of sexual partners that he refuses to elaborate on. 

Even though Matt wouldn’t mind having Neil part of that bonding time — he’s mostly the reason it happened, after all, and seriously Neil is awesome, mostly quiet but not lacking attitude and sass and a strange but unique sense of humor — he’s also happy for his roommate and friend. It’s not easy to find some privacy with their partner or fling in a team like theirs. He and Dan should know. 

None of them are sure how deep their thing is going — Allison suspects it’s just a fuckbuddy type of thing, not believing the monster can hold more emotions than apathy and mania; Dan's not so sure — neither do they know if they are trying to hide it or just don’t bother to make an announcement. Either way, things do get more obvious. When they all gather to watch the Trojans play against the Ravens, Andrew goes as far as breaking his own precious rule of nobody touching Kevin. Neil does touch Kevin — tapping the back of his head after one of his unnecessarily rude comments — and when Kevin starts threatening Neil not to hit him again, Andrew cuts in with a casual, “You’ll what?” and leaves poor Day gaping at him in irritation. 

The next day they are off to Birmingham and stuck on an eight-hour ride on the bus. The first four hours are the usual: the monsters in the back and the rest spread out in the front, Matt cuddled into Dan’s side as he attempts to sleep. Six hours in, they stop for lunch and on the way across the parking lot, his girlfriend gets Kevin to share some of his extensive knowledge on the bearcats which leads to a slightly awkward moment back in the bus. Kevin looks to the back where he usually sits and then to Dan and Matt. He seems incredibly torn for a moment before shaking his head and sliding in behind them, after all. Matt huffs and then notices Neil have an equally dramatic, silent meltdown right behind Kevin. Seriously, what is with Andrew’s lot and the importance of seating arrangements? However, unlike Kevin Neil decides against the new seating places and walks to the back of the bus, to Andrew. Day isn’t pleased. He spits something out in furious french that Neil shrugs off before disappearing in the aisle in front of Andrew. 

“Awww,” Dan silently giggles, “let Neil spend some time with his BF, Kevin.”

Scowling, he crosses his arms. “He should be focusing on the game ahead of us.”

Dan only grins. “C’mon, as if you never ditched Exy to hang out with your crush.”

_“No, I haven't._” For a few seconds, Matt expects Kevin to add 'Because Exy is my crush' but he remains silent. Maybe that’s for the best because Matt wouldn’t be able to hold in his howling laughter in if Kevin ever said something like that. 

Allison joins the conversation from her own seat, propping up on her elbows. “Speaking of, Day, you should join the pool. The bets are running high these days.” 

There’s still a tight, unhappy scowl when Kevin fishes out his Armani wallet and holds out four fifty dollar bills. 

They spend the next few hours talking about strategy and bearcats with a healthy mix of banter before they have another break at a rest stop where they all pile out of the bus to get snacks. Well, almost all of them. Neil and Andrew join them five long minutes later, the former with flushed cheeks but uncharacteristically happy eyes, and the latter with a red neck. 

The game is hard, violent and a close call — too close, according to Kevin — but another victory nonetheless. The foxes continue their winning streak and the team enters the locker room with grins on their faces and fire in their veins. 

They all wait for Neil to finish showering and spend the time going over the game. Dan thanks Andrew for actually making an effort this time, for communicating with the defense line, and Andrew, to no one’s surprises, only rewards her with a bored look in her direction. Dan doesn’t blink, though, taking that look like it’s so much more and offering a wide grin in return. When Neil finally appears, most of them jump up and start down the hallway that will lead them out of the stadium. It’s when they’re almost out of the lounge that Allison nudges him with her elbow. 

“Look,” she mouths, nodding over to Neil and Andrew standing a few inches apart, having one of their intense and silent staredowns. 

They hear Neil say, “Thank you.” Andrew says nothing. “You were amazing.” 

Allison makes a sound beside him, and Matt drags her away before they get caught eavesdropping and Andrew’s list of people he killed gets longer by two names.

Then they get outside and a riot forms. Then bottles and rocks and sign plates are thrown, and people get hurt. Then one of the worst days in Matt's life starts.

* * *

Eight hours later, the team is sitting on the curb outside the hospital, battered and wounded but mostly okay. Correction, one person is missing. 

“Neil Josten,” Waymack shouts into his phone for the twentieth time that night, hands clutching the thing like a lifeline. 

Andrew’s next to him, hovering and wearing an expression that Matt never in a lifetime thought he’d see: concern. Worry. Maybe even fear. “Abram,” he says. “It’s his middle name. Or Nathaniel.” 

Waymack nods absently and turns away from the team. “Yeah, his middle name is Abram, but he sometimes goes by, uh, Nathaniel, too? Small, lanky, auburn mop on his head?” His brows tighten into an even deeper scowl. “He should have been brought in about seven hours ago.” Another moment passes. Dan squeezes Matt’s hand in the same hope as him as they wait for _something_, just one fucking sign, to finally happen. “Are you sure?” Waymack finally says. “No, no. We’ve already checked every other hospital. Yes, thanks. Please call this number if anything comes up. Yes. Thanks.” 

Wymack ending the call and turning to the team sounds like ten individual hearts breaking. Their coach shakes his head, and it feels like a defeat of the worst kind. It feels like giving up. Abby takes his hand, and no one even pays attention to it.

“There must be something,” Dan says, jumping up and starting to pace. “He can’t just disappear.” Wymack tries to stop her by touching her shoulder, but Dan shakes him off and comes to a stop a few paces aside, wrapping her arms around herself. “He can’t, can he?”

Matt gets up to hug his girlfriend. The rest of the team remains speechless. The horrible thing isn’t that they can’t say anything, it’s they can’t do anything. Wymack called every damn hospital within a hundred miles radius. He called the police stations. And nothing. For all they know, Neil could be lying in a ditch somewhere. And none of them would know. 

“We have to go back,” Andrew says after a long moment of silence. 

Wymack offers him a look. “Why?”

“Just drive me back,” is all he gets before Andrew storms off into the direction of their team bus. There’s not much to do other than follow him and do what he told them to even if the results will most probably be heartbreaking. 

The ride back to the stadium is silent. 

But it gets worse. 

Andrew’s the first off the bus and the first back on the site that started it all, and therefore the first to see what’s been left behind. The riot was broken up hours ago so the place is cleared again and soulless. Matt stumbles out of the bus holding Dan’s hand just in time to witness Andrew kneel down next to a duffel bag lying on the floor, looking shabby and torn, but it’s Neil’s. Neil’s duffel bag. Neil’s bag that he carries everywhere with him. The bag he would never just leave behind on the ground in front of a foreign stadium in an unfamiliar city. The entire team watches as Andrew rummages through it and eventually fishes out a phone. His spine grows even more rigid at whatever it is that he finds there. 

It’s deadly silent when he gets up, and the force of his gaze lands on Kevin who’s standing a few feet away from the group, staring at the ground. 

It happens so fast none of them have any time to prevent it. One moment Andrew’s slicing Kevin in half with his gaze, the next he’s on him, his tiny hands wrapped around Kevin’s throat so tightly that Kevin’s entire face pales from white to blue. 

“Fuck,” Waymack curses, jumping in between them but failing to do anything but unsuccessful yanking. 

“Help us!” Dan screams, tugging Matt's arms. 

Nicky’s eyes are very wide and afraid, but he jumps into the fight as well, albeit not contributing much. 

“Talk! Talk you spineless bastard — you know what’s happened to him — _who_ has him!” It’s Andrew, screaming and still on Kevin while the other man is making noises that sound like a mix between coughs and pleas. “_Where is he? Who was he running from?_” 

It takes all four of them — Matt, Dan, Waymack, and Nicky — but finally, they manage to rip Andrew away, and he immediately yanks out of their grips, baring his teeth like a feral dog. _“Who the fuck has him?”_

Kevin, holding his throat and coughing, shakes his head. “I — I promised —”

_“Fuck your promise —_” 

“Jesus fuck, Andrew, let him catch up on his breath first,” Waymack snaps. 

Kevin shakes his head again, trying to stand. “His father,” he manages. “It’s his father.”

“His father is dead,” Andrew says, stepping closer. 

“No, no. ‘was a lie. His father's the one he was running from.”

“Why?”

“He worked for the Moriyamas, some sort of butcher who handled Baltimore for them." Kevin crouches, coughing on empty air. "He was going to sell Neil to Edgar Allen, but his mom took him the day before the contract was made and ran.”

And slowly, painfully, the truth comes out in uneven bits and pieces. 

Neil Josten is a made-up name. 

Neil Josten played in the little league with Kevin and Riko.

Neil Josten spent his life running from his father. 

Neil Josten was nearly sold to the Moriyamas like a piece of object. 

And now Neil Josten might be dead. 

* * *

It feels like a night that never ends. The sun rises, but the darkness around them threatens to swallow the team whole. Yet again, nobody knows what to say. Not because of what they found out about Neil. No, it was always obvious Neil was hiding things. They all knew it deep in their hearts. That’s not the problem. The problem is that Neil — their Neil — is still gone, but the chances for his return have just shrunk from slim to zero.

Matt doesn’t want to accept that. He doesn’t know if he can. 

* * *

“We’re driving to Baltimore,” Waymack announces. 

It doesn’t surprise anyone. It was one of those silent decisions they all agreed on after hearing Kevin tell Neil’s story. 

Andrew doesn’t say anything at the back of the bus. No one tries to talk to him either. 

* * *

Somewhere along the drive, Matt nods off and dreams of waking up and having Neil sit behind him, his usual tiny frown between his brows. They talk a little. Matt tells him about Dan, and Neil just looks over his shoulder and smiles at the silent person behind him. Then Matt actually wakes up, and his stomach sinks. Neil isn’t there, and his girlfriend has been silently crying for two hours, and everything is horrible. 

For a long time, Matt believed those weeks at Abby's getting the drugs out of his system and out of his mind, were the worst thing he had to ever feel. Now he realizes there are things that are just as horrible, things that make him feel just as helpless. 

* * *

Neil disappeared twenty hours ago. They’re in a diner in Baltimore, and Matt’s been pushing his food around for ten minutes now. He can’t stomach eating food. Not like that. Not when Andrew hasn’t uttered a single word ever since finding his jacket, and not with —

“Wake up, you useless zombies.” Waymack is standing in front of them, phone in his hand. He went off to get a call ten minutes ago, but now he’s back, and there’s actually something other than utter despair on his face. Matt perks up. “Neil’s alive, guys. He's alive.” 

Hope fills the room, fills Matt’s heart and the blood of his teammates, and suddenly it gets a little easier to breathe. 

Andrew’s fists finally unclench.

_Alive._

* * *

The two hours they wait in that damn motel room feel like two centuries, but fucking hell are they worth it when one of the douchebag FBI agents lets Neil step in — he steps in, looking like he was just mowed over, bandages all over his face and hands, his skin a sickly shade of white, bags under his eyes and a hunch in his posture, but fuck, he’s alive and standing. 

Dan’s still yelling about the twenty-minute rule when she sees Neil and breaks off with a gasp. “Oh my god.” Her grip on Matt’s wrist tightens. “Oh my god, Neil. Are you okay?”

  
For a moment he just stands there, his gaze traveling over the room and his teammates. Then he starts saying, “Where’s A—” and the door bursts open before he can finish his question. 

The entire team watches Andrew force his way into the room like it’s his only purpose in life — maybe he thinks it is — and Browning reach for the gun tucked into his belt, only to be stopped by Neil yanking his hand away. Immediately he clutches his hands to his chest, and Matt’s senses roar at the sight of his friend squeezing his eyes shut, gritting out a “Don’t.” He must be in so much pain. 

If it wasn’t for Dan holding onto him, Matt would try to do something, help him, but for once he’s grateful for the monster’s presence as he grips the back of Neil’s neck and pushes him to his knees until they’re both facing each other. It might look aggressive to outsiders, but Matt and the team know by know that it’s just the way Andrew protects his people.

One of the agents tries to step in at the harsh treatment, but Waymack warns him away with a hand and a “Don’t.”

Andrew’s fingers grip Neil’s chin and give him an intense once-over. Neil seems to do the same. 

“They could have blinded you,” Matt hears Neil murmur. “All that time fighting and you never learned how to duck?”

There’s no answer as there usually never is with Andrew, and Matt barely stifles a huff. Instead, Andrew fingers his way to the bandages on Neil’s one cheek, dropping them quickly, and then tear off the other side. No one besides him and Waymack get to see what’s hiding underneath, the mark that Neil’s father left, but the freshly strained set of his shoulders and Wymack's aghast “Christ Neil” is more than telling. Matt has to restrain himself from burning down Baltimore to the ground yet again. 

Nicky apparently doesn’t have as much patience — or a very strong girlfriend keeping him in check — since he jumps up from the bed to approach Neil. Again Wymack intervenes. “Don’t.” There’s empathy in his voice, though. He knows how hard it is for all of them, but it’s better to stay put with Andrew there. 

“One at a time,” Browning reminds everyone. _Dickface._

“I’m sorry,” Neil says after Andrew turns his head this way and that. To inspect all the damage, Matt assumes.

With a pounding heart, Matt watches Andrew’s fist pull back. The dick is not going to hit him, right? But the fist stays there, starts even shaking, and some of the tension bleeds out of Matt again. Way to keep the team on their fucking toes.

“Say it again and I will kill you,” Andrew tells Neil. 

Kurt charges forward. “This is the last time I’m going to say it to you. If you can’t stow that attitude and behave—”

“You’ll what, asshole?” Neil sneers with a death glare. 

“The same goes for you, Nathaniel,” Browning says and that name — Nathaniel instead of Neil — makes Matt feel all kinds of wrong. No matter if the name’s real or not, Neil Josten is Neil. Their Neil. Number ten of the Palmetto State Foxes and more importantly, a part of their little, screwed up family they built over the year. “That’s your second strike,” douchebag continues, “A third misstep and this is over. Remember, you are only here because we are allowing it.”

Andrew starts moving as if to get up, but Neil intercepts his intentions by gently grasping his face. It works because the monster sits down again although his expression stays nothing but stony. Then he turns back to douchebag agent and fires off a series of insults and facts that finally lead the agents to uncuff Andrew from Waymack and then step away to wait inside the threshold of the door. 

“So the attitude problem wasn’t an act, at least,” Andrew finally says once they’re mostly on their own. Matt shakes his head but can’t say that he disagrees. 

“I was going to tell you.”

“Stop lying to me.”

“I’m not lying. I would have told you last night, but they were in our locker rooms.”

“They who?” Browning cuts in.

Without sparing him a glance, Neil switches to German with Andrew. Matt even feels a little relief at that because hearing them talk to each other like that, Andrew’s face still in Neil’s hands, feels like invading their privacy. They speak, their voices quiet but snappy until Neil says something that makes Nicky wince audibly. Even Aaron lets out a curse, shaking his head. 

And not even a moment later Matt sees why. 

Neil looks back at them, and for the first time, all of them see his face without the bandages. Matt’s stomach sinks. He stands up — tries to, anyway because Dan pulls him right back to his seat on the bed. He fights free but stays where he is when he croaks out, “Jesus, Neil. The fuck did they do to you?”

Abby tries to get to Neil, but Andrew doesn’t even let her come close enough to try so she gives up and remains in the corner, albeit clearly unhappy about being denied to help Neil. Matt gets it.

There’s more German, Neil places his hand over Andrew’s chest — his heart — at some point and Matt allows himself to glance at the rest of the monsters. Kevin doesn’t look fazed, just numbed by the entire thing and the blue marks on his throat. But the cousins wear more than that on their faces. Nicky’s frowning visibly, worry, fear, surprise, and confusion because of the intimacy he’s witnessing mixing together. Aaron looks more agitated like Neil holding his brother is personally offending his existence. 

And then Andrew speaks in English again. “You aren’t going anywhere. You’re staying with us. If they try to take you away, they will lose.” 

Beside him, Dan shifts. “Take you away? To where?”

“Are we talking about ‘away for some questioning’ or ‘away for good’” Matt wants to know as well, feeling the familiar feeling of panic rising in his stomach again.

Browning answers. “Both.”

“You can’t have him,” Nicky protests. “He belongs with us.”

What follows is a back and forth between Browning explaining that it’s too dangerous to let Neil keep his persona, especially with his presence in media, and the Foxes arguing that they don’t give a fuck. Because they don’t. Their safety was already compromised the moment Kevin showed up in their team bus after last year’s exy banquet. It was at risk the moment Kevin told them about the Moriyamas and about Riko’s cruelty. It was breached when Riko killed Seth and when he tried to take out Andrew and then take back Neil. They have been in danger for a long time now, but Kevin’s part of the family and so is Neil, and danger isn’t something any of the Foxes cannot handle. 

They won’t let the feds take Neil away from them. They will do whatever it takes to keep him here where he wants to be and where he belongs. 

And somehow it works. The agents look pissed off, to say the least, but they don't offer any more arguments after that.

Eventually, Neil gives all of them an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry. I should have told you, but I couldn’t.” 

Wymack waves his hand. “Don’t worry about that now right now. Twenty minutes isn’t near long enough for this conversation. We can talk about it on the ride back to campus, right?”

“Yes,” Neil says. “I promise. I just have to talk to them first.”

“Then go,” Dan tells him with an encouraging nod. “But come back to us as soon as they’re done with you, okay? We’ll figure this out as a team.”

“As a family,” Nicky adds and Matt sees the strain in his smile, understands it because he feels the same. He wants Neil to come back no matter what, but with their luck, there’s still so much that can go wrong. 

Neil gazes at them before softly saying, “Thank you.” The look in his eyes makes Matt want to beat up every person that made him doubt the word family so much.

Next to them, Allison waves a casual hand even though the expression on her face is nothing but. “No, thank you. You just closed three outstanding bets and made me five hundred bucks,” she says when Neil glances at her. “I’d rather find out exactly why and when you two hooked up than think about this awfulness any longer, so let’s talk about that on the ride back instead.”

Matt can’t help but snort. Trust Allison to turn a moment this dire into something gossipy. Aaron probably seems to find it quite as funny because his entire face falls when neither Neil nor Andrew bother to deny or confirm anything. Neil just looks at Allison with his calm and tired eyes before turning to Andrew and saying, “Ready?” 

“Waiting on you,” Andrew replies. 

“I didn’t invite him,” Browning says. 

“Trust me,” Waymack cuts in. “You’ll fare a lot better if you take both.” After the agent agrees with an unhappy scowl, their coach looks at Neil. “We’ll wait for you, all right? As long as it takes, Neil.” 

Neil nods, and then they are gone. 

The silence that settles over the room is a weird one. There’s hope again and obvious relief but also the big impending question of _What now?_

Well, the first thing Matt does is pull Dan close to his chest and wrap his arms around her. Letting out a sigh, his girlfriend leans against him, murmuring, “I’m so tired.” 

“Me too, babe. Me too.” 

Allison, on the other hand, turns to the cousins with an incredulous look. “Did your peanut-sized brains seriously not realize Neil and Andrew are a thing?!” 

“No,” Nicky stammers out with tightly knit brows, mouth slightly agape. “I — I didn’t even know Andrew was gay!” 

Aaron ignores Allison and stalks across the room. “I’m going to bed,” is all he mutters before leaving. 

“Some gaydar you have,” Allison tells Nicky crossing her arms. “It must really suck to miss something that obvious right in front of your eyes.” 

“It wasn’t that obv—” Nicky stops himself with a torn expression though. “Okay, I mean, _in hindsight_ —”

“Stop talking,” Wymack barks and gives all of them scolding looks. “I don’t wanna be forced to listen to that shit, so out of with you all.” He motions towards the door. “Out. Go to your rooms, relax, take a shower to wash off that stench of anxiety, and we’ll decide what to do in the morning. Good night.” 

Nicky and Kevin are the first ones out of the door. Renee follows them. Matt and Dan on her heels. That’s why they can still hear Wymack stop Allison with an expectant hand. “My fifty dollars, Reynolds.” 

Matt can only shake his head. 

* * *

Neil Josten, now legal, comes back and he tells them of his past and his father and the connection to the Moriyamas. 

And looking at him sit there next to Andrew, with a tired hunch of his shoulders but defiant vibrancy in his eyes, Matt knows that somehow they’re all going to make it. Whether they manage to get to the finale and beat the Ravens or not doesn’t really matter in the grand picture — although Matt certainly wouldn’t mind wiping Riko’s ass on the court. What matters, in the end, is that they have each other. 

So Matt drapes an arm over Dan, claps Neil on the back and

_ hopes._

**Author's Note:**

> i would like everyone to know i would die for every single one of the foxes (and jean and jeremy)
> 
> come say hi on [twitter!](https://twitter.com/tessaswiII)


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